4 reasons Jack shouldn't shop
by WeevilRockYou
Summary: ..and 1 reason he should. "Ianto was extremly confused as to why Jack had shot the coffee beans" #Now Beta'd#


Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood unfortunately. If I did then Ianto would still be alive!  
A/N- Dedicated to all those who reviewed/favourited the original over at

4 reasons why jack should NEVER be allowed to go shopping and 1 reason he should.

**Reason no.1- the coffee aisle in Asda:  
**'Wow, I didn't know there were so many types of coffee' said Jack looking around in awe.  
Ianto rolled his eyes 'Yes Jack its amazing isn't it?' Ianto was in deep concentration reading the back of a packet of "home-grown coffee beans" so was not really paying attention to Jack, he didn't even know why Jack was here, after all Jack didn't normally come with him to buy coffee.

All of a sudden gunshots and screaming filled the, until then, quiet supermarket.  
'IANTO...GET DOWN!' Ianto ducked and just missed a bullet; said bullet went flying through the coffee bean packet Ianto was previously looking at.  
'What the fuck Jack?' Ianto asked extremely confused as to why Jack had decided to shoot the coffee beans.  
Jack simply stared at Ianto like he was insane and replied 'Ianto, they were DECAF!'

**Reason no.2-the dry cleaners:  
**Yet again Jack had managed to ruin his coat. Normally Ianto would take it to the dry cleaners for him but he'd caught an alien version of the flu so was bedridden for the rest of the week which meant that Jack had to do it himself.  
Now normally this wouldn't be a problem, after all jack had been to a dry cleaners before, this time however it definitely would be; that infamous coat of his was covered in bloodstains, bullet holes, scorch marks the lot!

Once at the dry cleaners Jack handed the battered coat over to the man behind the counter.  
'I'm sorry sir, but is this ... I mean it certainly looks like... but it couldn't possibly be BLOOD?' the man behind the counter started to panic and pace up and down 'If you committed a murder I don't want to be involved, please just leave before I call the police'  
Jack new this would happen so decided to come up with a cover story: 'It's not blood, it's strawberry jam. You see I had my nephews over last weekend and they decided it would be fun to cover my grandfather's coat in jam, cut holes the shape and size of bullets in the material and burn the shoulder pads with a lighter to make it look like my grandfather had murdered someone in WW2, Well boys will be boys eh' The man behind the counter called the police and Jack was arrested.

That evening after being released on bail Jack went to visit Ianto.  
'Yan, when you go to get my coat cleaned, what do you tell the person behind the counter?'  
'I just tell them I'm Torchwood. Why'd you ask?'

**Reason no.3-Starbucks  
**Owen had broken the coffee machine AGAIN!  
To stop the Torchwood team from going into caffeine deprivation, Ianto decided to go to Starbucks. For some reason unknown to Ianto, Jack insisted on coming with him, Yan suspected it had something to do with the new tall, blonde guy called Derek who worked behind the counter. Ianto didn't like Derek very much.

Jack and Ianto waited in the queue at Starbucks for just over 20mins and when they finally got to the counter Jack was twitching from the need for coffee.  
'Um hi Derek, could we have a double cappuccino, a latte, a strong black coffee, a limited edition organic toffee coffee and a tea with no milk and 3 sugars please?' asked Ianto in his "I'm being nice but I hate you" voice, which incidentally he uses more often than not when talking to Gwen.

The Drinks arrived and before Ianto could blink, Jack had already taken his cup and taken in a huge mouthful, which he then spat strait back out again into Derek's face.  
'What is THIS? This tastes like shit not coffee!'  
Ianto smirked no one could go back to Starbucks brand coffee after tasting Ianto's unique blend. No one.  
They may have been banned from Starbucks but for some reason Ianto couldn't care less.

**Reason 4-ATM  
**The queue for the ATM was long but Ianto really needed to get some cash out, Jack was with him so there would probably be damage costs at some point today and Ianto wanted to be prepared.

When they finally reached the ATM, Ianto put his card in the slot and started to type in his PIN number...  
'Oh my god, what are the chances of that? Your PIN number is the same as the year you were born Ianto! 1 9 8 3, that's amazing'  
'JACK!'

**1 reason he should-Jewellery shop  
**Jack and Ianto were enjoying a meal at "Luigi's authentic Italian restaurant" when Jack got down on one knee in front of Ianto and pulled out the most beautiful diamond ring.  
'Ianto Jones, will you make me the happiest man on the planet by marrying me?'  
Ianto didn't even need to think about his answer. 'Yes Jack, Yes I will!'

Later that night whilst lying in his bed Ianto looked at the ring on his left hand properly for the first time, it was beautiful.  
'Jack, this ring must of cost a fortune, where'd you get it?'  
Jack moved his head up until he was looking strait into his lover's eyes, 'I bought it from that jewellery shop on Cardiff bay, the one you said only the royal family could afford to shop at.  
Ianto couldn't believe how much this ring was worth 'Jack, you really shouldn't have'  
'you're worth it Ianto Jones. I love you'


End file.
